The end of a year offers a chance to reflect and look back on what has been, and anticipate what is yet to come. The brilliant thing about this is getting to rediscover the posts and photos which had an impact on me throughout the year, and I am in the process of compiling a list of my favourite posts from this year- along with many other bloggers and creatives who are doing similar things. I’m hoping to release this in the first week of January!
It has also given me a chance to reflect on what I have done, and what I anticipate for myself in the New Year. It’s been a year of incredible highs, but equally incredible lows. I seem to have stumbled to the end of the year, not quite the blogger I wanted to be. Attending Eroticon earlier this year made me determined and enthused about working harder to achieve more within this community. However poor mental health resulted in a toxic combination of lack of self esteem, anxiety over what others thought and a depression which often made it difficult to get out of bed. I lost the ability to orgasm, whether through clitoral stimulation or penetration. I then lost the desire to orgasm, followed by the lack of interest in sex at all. How could I blog about sex, when the idea repulsed me? I had no interest in writing, and any photograph I took of myself resulted in disgust. I didn’t want to look at myself. My blog had a few technical issues, and on two occasions I questioned if this was something I wanted to continue. Do I have a place here? Is it what I want? And the idea of leaving the community that has been so influential in my own journey terrified me.
To make matters more difficult my career worked me into the ground, so much so that I worked myself into the ground in the latter months of the year to find another, which I’m proud to say I was successful in achieving. This meant I spent the last few months of 2017 not blogging, but instead preparing, researching, interviewing, sitting exams and writing job application after job application.
I may not be the accomplished blogger or writer I wished to be. However I became one half of an incredible partnership, travelled Europe and made some valuable friendships in this community, who are ever supportive. My partner wants me to continue writing and experiencing as it’s something I’m passionate about, and they are here to support me. I’m hoping I will have more time in the new year for writing, and my mental health will continue to be okay, after putting measures in place to support myself.
I want to say a huge thankyou to everyone who has read my blog, commented on my posts, said hello to me at Eroticon (please say hi in 2018 too!) and helped me through any of the above. I want to say a huge thankyou for those friends who have given me wonderful, happy memories and this community who have helped unlock an important, integral force inside me. And I’d like to say a hopeful thankyou in advance, for anyone who continues to support me in the new year.