For Breaking My Heart, Thank You

This is a thank you letter to the person who broke my heart. It is a reminder that from complete devastation and sadness can come opportunity and new adventure, and that happiness should never be taken for granted.

I wrote it to help with my healing when everything was still raw. It has been published with full approval.

Thank you for breaking my heart. No, hear me out.

Thank you for realising I was unloveable. Please believe me that I think you are brave for delving into yourself and piecing together the parts of your brain you all too frequently avoid. Facing things head on is terrifying, and I accept your sincerest apologies for having to hurt me in the process. I am so proud of you for making the realisation, and in turn proud of myself for remembering that although I am unloveable to you, you are only one single person. Thank you for realising now, before we were more entwined, and thank you for telling me.

Thank you for making me realise that the world around me is fragile, and I must relish in every second of it. I must never take for granted what I have, because one never knows when it will disappear. I will be happy again. I’ll dance again, kiss in the sunshine, rain and the snow, and I’ll litter someone else’s flat with my tiniest of possessions. I will be someone else’s hot water bottle, sous chef and preventer of bedtime starfishing. My toes will tiptoe across another hallway in the morning, and be tucked under another blanket as I curl on another sofa and sleep. But next time I’ll do it better. I’ll do it more, I’ll do it wholly and I’ll let myself feel all of those things I pushed to the side in fear. I will not question why someone so extraordinary wants someone so ordinary. Thank you for letting me realise happiness is possible, even if finite. And thank you for showing me that I too am extraordinary.

Thank you for giving me a boost. For providing the ladder to reach the best, tastiest, rosiest apples nestled between the top of the branches. For the reminders that I’m kind, caring and capable, and helping me escape my dark places. Next time I’m in the orchard I know I can find the ladder you dropped so suddenly and use it for myself. Soon I’ll have my own ladder, which you left the instructions to build. For the good apples, I thank you.

Thank you for allowing me to be sad, to grieve the loss of you and for giving me all you can to help me understand. I hope soon that you understand too, and that you can find what you need in this big, scary world. You are unique and wonderful, and something bigger than this is waiting for you. Bigger than me. Thank you for permitting me to wish you the ultimate happiness, and in turn allowing me to look for mine. I’m grateful for the heavy allowance you’ve given for my tears, yet crying isn’t hard for me. I therefore thank you for letting me tease the tears from inside you, and hope you let others see them when you need to.

Thank you for our adventure. Thank you for letting me go on an adventure of my own, to enable me to now find what I deserve.

Thank you for being you.

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